Awesome—want to feel more confident during small talk instead of overthinking everything in real time?
Let’s dive into the S.P.O.K.E.S. Method, which comes from Social
Skills For Overthinkers by Jeff from Become More Compelling. But first,
tell me this:
๐Where do you usually struggle with
small talk? Is it…
- Starting
the conversation?
- Keeping
it going?
- Knowing
when (or how) to exit?
Once I know that, I can give more targeted advice. For now,
here’s a breakdown of the S.P.O.K.E.S.
Method to help you never run out of things to say.
๐ฌ The S.P.O.K.E.S. Method (For
Effortless Small Talk)
Each letter is a category you can pull questions or stories
from. Think of it like a mental menu of conversation starters.
1. S =
Science/Tech/Current Events
- Great
for: people who enjoy learning, or keeping up with the news
- Example:
“Did you hear about the new app that uses AI to plan your meals?”
2. P =
Pop Culture
- Music,
movies, shows, sports—super easy for bonding
- Example:
“What’s the last movie you saw that was actually good?”
3. O =
Observations
- What's
happening around you? Use your environment!
- Example:
“This coffee shop has the weirdest playlist...is that polka music?”
4. K =
Knowledge
- Anything
you’ve learned recently
- Example:
“I went down a rabbit hole on YouTube and learned how chocolate is
made...wild stuff.”
5. E =
Experience
- Share
personal stories, or ask about theirs
- Example:
“Ever been to a wedding that totally went off the rails?”
6. S =
Story
- Everyone
loves a quick, fun story
- Example:
“This reminds me of the time I got stuck in an elevator with a dog groomer
and a mime…”
๐ง Why It Works
- You’re
never scrambling for what to say next.
- Each
category can pivot naturally into the next.
- You’re
pulling from real
life, not just canned questions.
✅ Quick Tips To Use It Well
- Don’t
force all 6 categories—pick 2-3 that feel natural.
- Use
it as a mental safety net, not a script.
- Always
listen for openings to go deeper. That’s how good small talk
becomes great conversation.
Action
step:
Pick 2 of the S.P.O.K.E.S. categories you naturally enjoy.
Jot down 3 example questions or stories from your life in each one. Keep them
ready to go in your back pocket.
If you want to dig deeper into never running out of things
to say, check out this full guide:
๐
How
To Never Run Out Of Things To Say (6 Tips That Work)
And if you're tired of winging it socially and want
step-by-step help, the Social
Accelerator program might be a great fit.
Want help practicing one of the categories or building your
own “go-to” questions?