Integrating the Left and Right Brain
This is about helping your child connect their emotional, intuitive right brain with their logical, literal left brain. When these two sides work together, children can make sense of their big feelings and experiences, leading to better emotional understanding and communication.
1. Connect and Redirect
Surviving Emotional Tsunamis
▼
Concept:
When a child is overwhelmed by strong emotions (right brain), logic (left brain) is inaccessible. First, connect emotionally (right brain to right brain) by empathizing and validating their feelings. Only then can you introduce logic or redirect behavior (left brain).
Application:
If a child is having a tantrum, hug them and acknowledge their frustration ("You're so mad right now!"). Later, when they are calm, discuss what happened and better ways to handle it.
2. Name It to Tame It
Telling Stories to Calm Big Emotions
▼
Concept:
Giving words to big emotions helps the left brain make sense of the right brain's raw feelings. When children can articulate what they're feeling, it helps them gain control over it.
Application:
Encourage your child to talk about what happened and how they felt. "It sounds like you were really angry when your toy broke." Help them narrate the experience from beginning to end.
Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brain
This involves strengthening the connection between the primitive, reactive "downstairs brain" (emotions, instincts) and the thoughtful, sophisticated "upstairs brain" (logic, self-control). This integration helps children manage impulses and make better decisions.
3. Engage, Don't Enrage
Appealing to the Upstairs Brain
▼
Concept:
In a reactive "downstairs brain" moment, avoid triggering more reactivity. Instead, engage their thinking "upstairs brain" by asking questions, negotiating, or offering choices.
Application:
Instead of yelling "Stop running!", try asking, "What are our walking feet doing right now?" or "What's a safer choice you can make?"
4. Use It or Lose It
Exercising the Upstairs Brain
▼
Concept:
The upstairs brain needs exercise to grow stronger. Give children opportunities to practice decision-making, planning, and considering consequences.
Application:
Let children make age-appropriate decisions, solve problems, and think about how their actions affect others. "What do you think would happen if...?"
5. Move It or Lose It
Moving the Body to Change the State
▼
Concept:
Intense emotions can be physically overwhelming. Physical activity can help a child shift their emotional state and regain control from their downstairs brain.
Application:
When a child is agitated, suggest running around, jumping on a trampoline, or doing some deep breaths. This helps discharge energy and re-regulate.
Integrating Memory
This involves helping children process past experiences, especially difficult ones, to form a coherent narrative of their lives. It's about turning fragmented, implicit memories into understood, explicit memories, which promotes healing and understanding.
6. Use the Remote Control
Replaying Memories
▼
Concept:
Help children revisit challenging memories in a safe way, allowing them to process and integrate them. This helps move implicit (unconscious) memories into explicit (conscious) understanding.
Application:
If a child is upset about a past event, help them "rewind" and talk through it. "What happened right before that? And then what?" You can also "fast-forward" to how they want to feel next time.
7. Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By
Teaching That Feelings Come and Go
▼
Concept:
Help children understand that emotions are temporary states, not permanent traits. They can observe their feelings without being consumed by them.
Application:
Teach mindfulness. "Notice that angry feeling. It's like a cloud passing in the sky. It will pass." This helps them develop emotional literacy and resilience.
Integrating Self and Others
This group of strategies focuses on helping children develop a strong sense of self ("Me") while also fostering empathy and the ability to connect with others ("We"). A healthy balance between individuality and connection is key to strong relationships.
8. Connect Through Conflict
Teaching "We" instead of "Me"
▼
Concept:
Conflicts are opportunities to teach empathy and compromise. Help them see the other person's point of view and find win-win solutions.
Application:
During disagreements, ask: "How do you think your brother felt when you took his toy?" Guide them to apologize and repair the connection.
10. The ME in WE
Cultivating a Sense of Self
▼
Concept:
Help children understand their unique qualities, preferences, and inner experiences. Foster their individuality and self-awareness.
Application:
Encourage children to explore their interests, express their opinions, and recognize their own strengths and weaknesses. Ask, "What do *you* like about that?"
11. The WE in ME
Cultivating Empathy
▼
Concept:
Help children recognize and understand the feelings and perspectives of others. This builds empathy and compassion.
Application:
Point out others' emotions. "Look, your friend seems sad. What do you think would make him feel better?" Encourage acts of kindness.
